Panera Bread, how I love you!

Panera Bread is a cafe I've discovered in my one-and-a-half years of living in Dallas. I love it! It serves delicious soups, salads, and sandwiches, and offers a relaxing environment in the midst of the hectic city life. This wonderful place bakes delicious breads and desserts to satisfy any craving you may have. Plus, you can order your soup in a bread bowl at no extra cost! How cool is that!? A bottomless cup of coffee is inexpensive- and they have half-and-half and sugar to add to their flavors of coffee (today I'm enjoying a Hazelnut brew). I come here, find a quiet booth, and stay for hours at a time to study for my tests or write my papers or merely to enjoy their free wireless internet! Ahh... this place hits the spot!

No Sabbath = Sickness

It's pretty clear from the scriptures and from observing nature that God intends for His people to Sabbath. Not only is Sabbath a command, but it is also our nature- its how we were created. We are to work 6 days and rest on the seventh. We need the rest! God created us to Sabbath every night (with sleep) and one day a week. Sabbath is not a cruel command- it's a gracious gift! But we so often refuse this gift because it doesn't fit into our schedules with our current lifestyle.

In my life, the times that I get sick are when I don't allot enough time for my body to rest (i.e. right now). I've been running around like crazy trying to complete all of my school assignments, working at the research lab at school, and interning at Parkland. I understand that this is only a season, but it's been an exhausting season that defies my nature- my need for Sabbath. So, here I am now, sick as a dog, getting little work or schoolwork done. When I don't give my body the Sabbath it desires and requires, my body rebels and demands that rest through illness.

Self-Evaluation

Subjective: Pt sitting on couch c laptop. 0 family present. Pt alert & cooperative throughout tasks, however pt reports increased fatigue and lability. Pt blogging; however pt reports need to study & read for class.

Objective: Pt c 7/8 on delayed recall. Pt c 10/10 on moderately complex information processing c 3 visual cues. Pt c 9/10 on complex information processing c 5 visual cues. Pt c 3/3 on complex problem solving. Pt c 3/3 on story recall task. Pt writing at complex P level c 95% accuracy utilizing complex sentences. Pt c decreased initiation and motivation to prepare for classes. Pt c decreased attention to reading tasks. Pt requiring min verbal cueing to A in completion of assignments. Pt c + insight into deficits. Pt reports increased lethargy secondary to decreased amount of sleep.

Assessment: Pt p/w moderate senioritis complicated by mild-moderate sleep deprivation.

Plan:
1. Pt will sleep min of 8 hours/night for 7 days/week with 100% accuracy to improve cognitive performance and emotional lability and to decrease lethargy and fatigue.
2. Pt will verbally produce thanksgiving for 10 blessings/day regarding current situation (including school) with 80% accuracy to improve motivation and initiation.
3. Pt will attend to reading/writing tasks for 2 hours/day to ensure completion of assignments and increased accuracy on examinations.
4. Pt will complete blog post in <2 minutes to improve productivity for the rest of the evening.

(From Wikipedia: The main symptoms of senioritis include chronic procrastination, lack of motivation, a drop in academic performance, and "coasting," which is the act of going through classes with very little concentration or application of intent. This usually happens in the last year of middle school, high school, college or graduate school.)

A Lesson

Tuesday. It's raining. I'm leaving Parkland to meet my sister and niece for lunch. I start my car (the Blumina). It hesitates. It jerks. It runs. Whew! I turn onto Inwood Road to join bumper-to-bumper traffic in a highly congested and miserable construction zone. My car jerks. It keeps running. Red light. Green light. Bummer. It dies. Did I mention that its raining? Did I mention that there's tons of traffic? Did I mention I'm in an intersection?

What's a girl to do? Restart it, I suppose. Its running...4...3...2...1...it dies. So, I restart it a couple of times until I'm as off to the side as one can be on a no-shoulder, high-traffic, under-construction intersection. Then, of course! Call Dad! What's the problem? Out of gas. (I know- that's a dumb problem that shouldn't have ever happened.) He advises me start my car again, coast for as long as possible, start my car again, coast as long as possible, make people angry on the road, and try to crawl to the gas station about .2 miles away. After a few honks, angry expressions, and a very slow crawl, I make it to the entry of the gas station. Problem: it's a pretty steep entry. By now my car is crawling for about 2 seconds with every key twist in the ignition. Hmm... but I try. Nope. Try again... YES????

All of a sudden two men ran towards my car in the steady rain and started pushing against my bumper. We made it about half way up and then the dear Blumina started rolling backwards. Then, two more men ran towards us and got behind the Blumina and pushed. After a couple of attempts we finally made it to the beautiful gas pump!

So, who were these gallant men to rescue this damsel in distress in the tempest? Their faces I knew well. I pass them almost everyday in that same intersection. They are the men who walk along the streets lined with cars asking for food, beverages, and money. They are the men who find shelter from the rain under that overpass.

Many times I have seen them, shared a smile, but hoped that they wouldn't come greet me at my car window. Many times I have driven past, thinking to myself "I'm working hard, really hard, in grad school trying to feed myself and keep a roof over my head. Surely they could improve their living situations with a little bit more effort." These were the faces of men I judged without knowing their life story... without knowing their name. The men who are poor, unclean, hungry, and thirsty, the men who have been rejected by me (and countless others) are the men who were willing to get their clothes wet and willing to help someone in need. How grateful I am to these men who are slower to pass judgment and quicker to lend a hand. And how humbled I am by their grace and generosity.

Parkland Peeps

One of the primary reasons I wanted to intern at Parkland is because of the patients. This hospital provides services for the people who may not have insurance, who may not speak English, who may not have family or friends come to visit, and who may not always abide by the laws of this country. These are individuals who are desperate to see Christ manifested in patience, peace, love, joy, kindness, gentleness, and goodness. Although I definitely have plenty of room to grow in the fruit of the Spirit (that fact just continues to be confirmed every day), it's nice to see how much more brilliant your light is when you are surrounded by such darkness.

Every morning I am in for a surprise! Who knows?! I may be asked to work with an individual with a gunshot wound, a prisoner, a minister, a homeless person, an alcoholic, a drug dealer, a drug addict, or just a regular person... except I've only worked with one "regular" person. There have been occasions where I have been shown hostility and aggression (mostly, though, the agitation is secondary to the brain injury), but for the most part, the patients have been respectful and appreciative.

Hospitals can be a depressing setting, surrounded by illness, injury, and death, but there is so much opportunity to give hope and love to these hopeless and lonely people.

Ataxic Aphasia

Parkland has been a difficult, yet wonderful, experience. Every day a new situation arises that requires quickness, efficiency, problem-solving, deductive reasoning, and common sense. These are all skills I believe myself to have (thank You, God, and thanks, Mom & Dad for the genes); however, my supervisor, unfortunately, has seen very little of these in her student intern.

Today, after completing an initial evaluation on a new patient, I was filling out the paperwork to write down how the patient performed during the assessment and to give an official diagnosis on this patient.

"Patient presents with mild/moderate ataxic aphasia complicated by...".

For those of you who don't know, "ataxic aphasia" doesn't exist. There is ataxic dysarthria and there is aphasia, but there is definitely not an ataxic aphasia. An equivalent misdiagnosis would be for a psychologist to diagnose an individual with "mental regurgitation" instead of mental retardation. This could also be compared to a a minister asking the congregation to turn to Hezekiah 3:12, a car salesperson trying to sell you a Honda Lumina, or a baker confusing the flour with salt.

So, just in case I was beginning to feel slightly competent and confident in my skills as speech therapist in the hospital setting, I was given yet another dose of humility... and good grief! These humility shots smart!

One of those mornings...

This morning I awoke with a migraine. Great. Probably because I have two tests this week... two WRITTEN tests this week. But, I can't let a "measly" headache get in the way of my productivity- I have places to go, things to do, patients to see... I have work to do and lecture notes to study.

So, I got ready early this morning and left for Parkland. Traffic. Bad traffic. Actually, when I finally creeped my way to my exit, the road I was intending to take was closed. Too bad I didn't know that one mile/20 minutes ago! Needless to say... I was late. Drat.

Eventually, one-detour-after-another, I did make it to Parkland. But, I still didn't feel well. I managed to endure the throbbing pain and nausea throughout my first 3 hour-long therapy sessions with only a few temple rubs. However, during the last session the pain was growing more intense. I calmly excused myself from the therapy room in search of my supervisor to ask her to take over for me, but she had left the office to meet another patient, so I returned to my patient. After glancing at the clock and seeing that I only had 15 minutes left, I decided that surely I could finish this hour with my patient. Well, that wasn't the case. I continued teaching a word-finding strategy when I felt the urgent need to excuse myself from the room so I could vomit. And that is when my supervisor walked in...seeing me leaning over a trashcan. Oh bother.

It was just one of those mornings.

(I'm hoping for a better one tomorrow!)

two new little sisters!

My favorite "roles" in life are related to family- I love being a daughter, a sister, and, now, an aunt! Living in Dallas, I have missed my family a great deal, and I have missed the "roles" I play within my family.
Two precious girls have been "adopted" into our church family, and I have thoroughly enjoyed playing the part of "big sister" again. These girls are not blessed with a wonderful Christian family with high standards and strong morals. They do not have an older sister who makes wise decisions worth emulating, so the home church ladies, including me, have adopted these lovely girls into our family! It has been eye-opening, and disheartening, to hear the everyday issues they deal with that are so foreign to me... at school they are bullied, threatened, sexually harassed, isolated, and mocked... at home they have few guidelines, low standards, harsh discipline, and a new phone number every 3 months. I cannot steal these girls and give them a new home with different and pleasurable experiences, but I can be a big sister to them and listen to them, serve them, love them, and speak truth over them. Pouring into these girls has been such a blessing to all of us! They are so easy to love!

slumber party!!

The ladies in our home church held a fantabulous sleepover this weekend! From ages 10 to 60ish! We played hours of Charades, Name-This-Dance-Style, and Hide-the-M&M's, drank very dark coffee, ate very dark chocolate (and M&M's), and laughed and prayed and talked til the wee small hours of the morning! I had women about twice my age keep me up til 4 am! There has to be SOME playing in this gal's life to maintain sanity!

My dear sister

As my wise mother predicted, my schedule has indeed led to burn-out. It's a holiday and yet I'm still thoroughly exhausted and dreading the days and weeks and months before me. So, in my dreary state, I headed over to my sister's house for some matte chai, chocolate cake, and a hug. My entire college career (with the exception of last year) my sister has been readily available to soothe my spirit with a warm cup of tea and her encouraging presence. She is the perfect medicine for a homesick heart and weary body. Ruby Grace has quickly learned the comforting ways of her loving mother with her contagious giggles and snuggly self. (Thank You, God, for nurse Amber!)

This semester may be the busiest yet...

Let's do the math...

- If I sleep 8 hours a night for 7 days a week (56 hours)
- If I drive on average 1 hour and 45 minutes a day for 7 days a week (12.25 hours)
- If I spend 1 hour each morning to get ready every day of the week (7 hours)
- If I attend class each week (8 hours)
- If I intern at Parkland 4 hours a day for 5 days a week (20 hours)
- If I allot about 1 and 1/2 hours to eat every day of the week (10.5 hours)
- If I read the assigned readings for my classes each week (13 hours)
- If I work in the research lab each week (10-20 hours)
- If I attend church events each week (6 hours)
- If I have 45 minutes of "Caryn Time" each day for 7 days a week (5.25 hours)
- If I visit my sister, niece, and brother-in-law each week (5 hours)

...then I have an average of 158 hours of my week accounted for, which means... I have 10 hours each week to buy groceries, run to the bank, visit the library, play Settlers of Catan with my friends, sleep, blog, read, play the piano, clean, or go on a very short road-trip. Hmm.... it is a good thing I don't do all of the assigned readings and that my professor cancels class- I just gained 6 hours this week!

Ahh! Saturday mornings!

- Sleeping until I wake up naturally- no alarm.
- Drinking coffee with cream in my favorite mug.
- Listening to Adventures in Odyssey.
- Eating Lucky Charms- carefully eating the cheerios and saving all of the marshmallows to be consumed last.
- Preparing for a fun day at a leisurely pace.
- Reading for pleasure.
- Slouching on the couch with my laptop- and enjoying an unknown neighbor's wireless Internet.
- Enjoying no pressing to-do list for these few hours of the day.

Ahh! I love it! (Although, I do thoroughly miss Saturday morning coffee at Happy and Papa's house in Abilene. That was always the highlight of the week!)

I am feeling whoozy!

Many people (including myself-at one time) do not know the variety of clientele for whom speech-language pathologists (SLP) are consulted. A large number of individuals are only aware of the SLPs in the schools- oh, those pretty ladies who help children produce "r" and "s" in elementary school. We have fun, educational decor covering the walls and doors of our clean and orderly speech-therapy rooms. We give out stickers and candies to children who work especially hard at placing their tongues on the alveolar ridge of their mouths for a clear and accurate "l".

Well... that is not the SLP I am going to be this semester in the hospital. As I will be walking around in cute blue scrubs and providing exceptional therapy to patients, I will not be dealing solely with speech, language, and cognitive deficits. Nope. I have been assigned to the head/neck cancer rotation, which includes some pretty disturbing sites and several laryngectomies.

My first day at Parkland, I was given the opportunity to clean and replace a tracheoesophageal prosthesis (TEP). A TEP is inserted into the trachea and esophagus to allow an individual with no larynx to eat and breathe safely. This patient's TEP was leaking due to fungal colonization around and within this prosthesis allowing saliva, foods, and liquids to enter the lungs which puts the individual at risk for aspiration pneumonia. The SLP's role is to remove the TEP covered in yeast from the patient's neck, and place a new four-inch long tube into the man's neck. No blood, just secretions, yeast, and a patient's life at your finger tips.

So... I thought that I felt queezy from my professor's secretions flying out of his neck, but that was before I actually delved into a man's neck that had fungus growing inside. I was very proud of myself for the professional manner in which I observed and participated in this procedure... for the first 15 minutes. But then, I began to sweat and get dizzy, and a black shadow began creeping into my line of vision. Not wanting to faint on my first day and with my first patient, I sat down (that's what Dr. and nurse Brantly advised me to do if I found myself feeling this way). Eventually, I quietly left the room leaving my patient supervisor to complete the task alone. I recovered after a few minutes and resumed my place in improving the lives of my patients one tracheoesophageal prosthesis-at-a-time! This should be an interesting semester!

a new semester

My fourth semester (of five) began this past Thursday. The next few months I will be learning about craniofacial disorders (cleft lip and palate), autism, and language development. Also, I have been assigned to Inpatient Acute Care Neurosurgery and Head/Neck Cancer at Parkland Memorial Hospital.

The first meeting of the craniofacial class was canceled (due to illness of the professor). The reputation of this professor leads me to believe that this is only the first of many "walks" for this semester (which has its pros and cons).

For the class discussing autism spectrum disorders there are two professors. The primary professor was unable to attend the first class (due to a family emergency, I think), so we were taught by her colleague who had a laryngectomy. A laryngectomy is a removal of the larynx; a hole is surgically created to provide a "safe" air passageway for respiration... and speaking. Laryngectomies, tracheotomies, and the-like have been frequently alluded to in my coursework; however, I had not yet witnessed a quarter-size, unveiled, stoma in a man's neck. Nor had I yet observed the unintentional projection of body fluids via a quarter-size, unveiled stoma in a man's neck... until my class on Friday. Despite my tremendous effort to not allow the projected booger-like substance to bother me, I did indeed get a little queezy. I just hope that this uneasiness in my stomach does not return tomorrow morning during my first shift in the hospital setting when more gruesome body fluids come flying my direction.

Summer Sunday

My last Sunday of the summer break...
- church
- lunch with church friends
- nap
- swimming
- reading
- playing Catan
- figuring out how to get everything done that has to be done in the final three days of summer. Hmm... perhaps I should have had a more productive day today. My to-do list is slightly overwhelming.

Internet Binge

We don't have internet. It's hard to be a student and survive without internet, but I've managed (but my blog has suffered- sorry). Yesterday as I sat on my couch, opened my laptop, and began working on a research assignment, my eyes glanced over to the bottom right hand corner of the screen... and what did my eyes stumble upon? Instead of four grey bars and a red X on the mini computer icon, there were three light yellow bars signifying an internet connection... low... but a connection none the less! I spent all day on the internet, looking up everything that I want and need to check into... email, library hours, location of Parkland, amazon, facebook, drive-in theater, AsoBrain, and everything else! My day was not too productive, but I definitely enjoyed the "high life" with internet! And, here I am again, sitting on my couch, open laptop, research project for work, and internet. Holla!

The Planner

As an over-generalized stereotype, speech-language pathologists are intelligent, beautiful, put-together, organized, OCD, Type-A individuals. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a little too Type-B (relaxed, go-with-the-flow, laid back) to be a successful speech therapist. Tuesday night was confirmation that I DO have a sufficient amount of "ducks-all-in-a-row"/Type-A for this profession.

My planner... I live by it. Without it, I wouldn't know when anything is due, when I am meeting people, where my appointments will be located, who I am actually meeting, the birthdays of my friends and family, or if I'm going to be too busy to go swing dancing that week. This planner of mine is July 2008-July 2009 and contains both the weeks and the months for that year plus my entire life composed on each page. Well, as I mention before, it goes through July 2009... but that means that it ends in July 2009. I have already been scheduling events for August, but I've had no place to write these commitments down! (I've even over-committed an August day already- evidence that I need a planner.)

Tuesday evening I visited Target to finally find a replacement planner to ensure that my life, as we know it, will indeed continue. After this shopping spree (and spending 30 minutes to pick out the right planner for me), I returned to my apartment and immediately plopped on the couch to begin the transition from my old planner to my new one (July 2009-July 2010). Then, as I unfolded the new pages of my new planner and new life in this new year, I started hyperventilating. It didn't have the months.... the months! The two pages solely dedicated to presenting the whole month in one glance! They weren't there! How can anyone live without seeing how their month looks in one simple viewing!? I can't live like this! I MUST have the month, too!

Needless to say, I revisited Target first thing the next morning to find a more suitable planner to accommodate my needs. It contained weeks AND months. Yes. Because that is how a planner is intended to be used. With a small perspective AND a larger perspective.

Unfortunately, my entire Wednesday was jammed full of obligations which means that I didn't have a sufficient amount of time to dedicate to that special moment of opening this new planner/beginning my new year. I barely had the self-control to complete my day's tasks BEFORE opening and writing in my new planner. When I finally got home around 10pm, I, once again, plopped on the couch and began my new journey with my new planner. Ahh. Life feels good again!

(And, as a bonus, my new planner has lovely photographs of significant locations all over the world! One for each week!)

Ruby Grace- practically perfect in every way!

My niece, Ruby Grace, is the most perfect, most beautiful, most intelligent, most content, most friendly, most athletic, and most likely to succeed in the world!

This is us on the 4th of July!

Beware of the refrigerator!!

Sprouts is an indoor farmer's market with the best produce prices (except for Kroger's $.99 strawberries right now)! I love this place! When I enter, I go crazy and buy anything and everything that looks pretty or smells sweet. Last time I went to the beloved Sprouts was the first week in June (in the life of Caryn, I don't have the time to buy groceries- it's about a once-a-month venture- maybe twice if I'm really on top of things). Of course produce doesn't last an entire month- rasberries don't even last two days- so things started growing, rotting, and smelling terrible. I've been scared to open my refrigerator- who knows what may attack me in there?! But, last night, my roommate and I decided to be brave and daring, and we emptied the contents (including the icky things that were living there without an invitation). Conquered. The apartment is safe, once again, with no unwelcome inhabitants!

How are you?

"Good... but tired."
"Exhausted."
"Fine... but sleepy."
"Tired... but otherwise just fine."
"Stressed."

I'm looking forward to the day when I can honestly respond to this simple greeting with a "Great!" or "Well rested and completely stress free!". Will that day ever come?

(Two and a half weeks until my summer classes are over!!)

Storms

Growing up, as soon as the slightest hint of a storm arose, we turned on The Weather Channel and stepped onto the front porch to witness the exciting event! This week I have enjoyed and endured tremendous storms! Wednesday night, while I was at home church, a major (red and orange on the radar) came through north Dallas (where my church was meeting). The strong winds, heavy rain, and lack of electricity cued many in our group to take shelter in the bathroom for about an hour!

The rains kept coming all through Wednesday night and Thursday morning, enough to make the speed of the vehicles on the highway less than 10 mph. Alas, I was late to an orientation meeting for practicum. The clouds continued to pour out heavy water droplets which completely drenched me from head to toe on the 10 meter stretch from my parked car to the school building.

The storms seemed to have passed, and Friday morning, after dropping Mom and Dad off at the airport, I left for Mason to attend my dear friend's wedding. That night, the evening before the wedding, we watched with awe the lightning strike from afar. However, the sky above us swiftly changed from a lovely pink/purple glow to a dreadful grey shade. Sprinkles started to sputter on the windows. The rain quickly turned from light pitter-patters to clashes, clungs, and thwacks against the glass windows of the house... and the cars. The pleasant thrill of the storm began to dwindle when we heard the windows busting in the house with loud crashes. After that, each clang and skush caused us to flinch as we considered our cars which were enduring this calamity with no protection.

When the storm ceased, we picked up golf ball and lemon size hail from the ground and from the back seats of our cars. Five vehicles did not quite make it through the storm without having their windows give in to the pressure of the falling hail. Fortunately, my windows (or rather, Mom and Dad's since I drove their car) stood firm; however, a golfball-like-car with countless dents will be awaiting Mom and Dad's return to the States.

A Chronic Case of Hiccups

Hic-cup. /hIkVp/: noun. small nuisance in life which interrupts the regular breathing pattern of one's typical daily schedule.

In my one year of living in Dallas, I have experienced many hiccups. Last semester went rather smoothly, so I was beginning to think that my diaphragm was contracting and relaxing at a normal pace with no unusual twitches. However, this summer semester, the speed of my respiratory cycle has been rapidly increasing with my excessive school/work load. In addition to my irregular breathing pattern, I had an unfortunate hiccup this week.

Upon finishing my class discussing cognitive rehab, I walked out to my car to see that the passenger window had been busted and the inside of my car was ransacked. My nifty GPS, CD player, CD's, digital camera, and purse had all been taken.

After crying from the initial shock and disappointment of this unfortunate event, I can now laugh at the absurdity of the situation. This poor thief is probably disappointed that the purse did not contain my wallet or anything valuable. The Bible on CDs, Ray van der Laan, and Chronicles of Narnia CDs will probably not be of any interest of his/hers nor will these bring in any significant profit. And the camera, which was dropped at Warwick castle in England four years ago, is held together by a hair rubber-band and is only considered valuable by me. It's a lose-lose situation and a very big bummer.

DONE!!!

I'm officially finished with my second semester!!! Yea!!! This afternoon I'm escaping from the hustle-bustle of the big city to a secluded lake house in the beautiful area of east Texas. No internet, spotty cell phone coverage, chai tea, a hammock, and books (just for clarification- not textbooks).

Wrapping Up Another Semester!

This week I had four finals/projects... and they're done! Last night I had a fabulous time swing dancing to celebrate! It was funny... all of the "follows" (girls) were from ACU except one who was from Harding. Dancing and laughing with fellow Christians is such an uplifting experience! The highlight of the evening was learning how to swivel in the lindy-hop. This Church-of-Christ gal needs step-by-step instructions on how to move her hips, but I think I finally got it!

Swine flu seems to be quite the epidemic, but presently, I'm more concerned with the Spring Fever I've caught! My semester is not yet over, but my summer has already started!

This weekend's agenda includes:
1. Finishing my last project
2. Playing Settlers of Catan
3. Going to an arts festival
4. Going to a musical
5. Packing for a trip to a lake house

Girls Night Out!

Katy (my roommate) , Megan (my schoolmate), and me!

My two dear friends in Dallas and I decided to go on a mini adventure... we explored a hole-in-the-wall Greek restaurant in downtown Dallas! My first experience with Greek food was delightful and fun! The hummus and artichoke dip were delicious with the hot melt-in-your mouth pita bread! mmm! Except, I didn't care to much for some spinach dish- gross. The restaurant's ambiance included candlelit tables, waiters bringing in plates of fire and yelling "Opa", and a man playing songs on some string instrument (maybe a ukulele)! Afterwards, we took pictures... all-in-all, we had a good time!P.S. In case you can't tell by my sparse and unexciting blog posts- not a whole lot is going on in my life. It's mostly consumed with school, work, and practicum. Finals next week!

She Dreamed a Dream

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

This is a video from Britain's Got Talent (the British version of American Idol). Susan Boyle is a middle-aged woman who has had a dream to be a professional singer. Despite people mocking her right-and-left, she's maintained the courage to pursue her dream. I love it! I love when dreams come true against all odds!

Proposals and the like...

Providing therapy services for adults has been a learning experience... sometimes stressful and sometimes amusing! There is one elderly gentleman who is constantly commenting on my "beautiful red hair" and asking me to turn around so he can look at it once more. One day he even took off his cap, held it over his heart, and asked me to marry him. Fortunately my supervisor was there to provide a polite, yet professional, response on my behalf. A younger client I work with is constantly inviting me over to his house to "hang out" (which is obviously not permitted!). These little instances keep me smiling. However, this week my young client's uninhibited request made me laugh aloud in disgust and astonishment! After therapy I was talking with my supervisor when my young adult client approached us. My supervisor introduced him to the prospect of coming for therapy over the summer. With flat affect, he slowly processed the invitation. While moving his eyes up and down my body he asked, "Well, could I get a 'little something' on the side?". What?!! Who asks that?!? I chuckle and remind myself that a frontal lobe injury will lead a young male to say exactly what he's thinking in the most inappropriate time and setting.

I think I've figured it out!

So, why is graduate school so difficult?

It’s not just because the standards are higher, or that I’m learning 20X as much information as I learned before. Nor is it just because I’ve left all of my dear friends and family to come to a huge city where I know so few people.

Every single day I’m confronted with my ignorance and my incompetence. Seven days a week I don’t have a clue how to do what is expected of me (which is why everything takes twice as long to complete). At the beginning of the semester, each student is placed in a clinical practicum where he/she has had absolutely no experience. We are forced to provide services to real human beings, but we are merely shooting in the dark. By the end of the semester we have gained enough confidence in our therapy that we don’t feel quite as inept, but then the semester is over and we begin a new experience where we are as ignorant and useless as before. It’s a wretched cycle. Being reminded of how incompetent you are is like a blow to the gut. And so why am I exhausted and weary all of the time? Because I’ve been punched everyday for two semesters! I asked God for humility… and boy howdy! He gave it!

Spring Break!

Midterms were a doozy this semester, but they are over! To celebrate spring break, I went to visit Amber and Kent in Indianapolis! Whoop!

Two very great things happened while I was there...
1. Ruby Grace Brantly was born! My sister became a mother (I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that fact), and I became an aunt!
2. Kent found out where he, Amber, and Ruby will live the next four years for his residency program... Fort Worth!!!!

Life seems to have changed drastically in one year. Amber was single and living in California last spring break. Now she has a husband and a daughter. One year ago I was still in undergrad living in Abilene. It feels like such a distant memory.

What I like about Mom...

I realize that this is a month late... but I didn't get to be in Abilene for Mom's birthday to participate in our wonderful family tradition of sharing what we like about the birthday person!
So... What I like about Mom is that she is my personal cheerleader! I love that I can call her when I'm in tears from the stresses of my studies or life, and she encourages me to trudge forward and excel. She is a huge support who encouraged her children's personal growth through kind words, deep insight, creative ideas, genuine love, and homemade goodies.

In my academic panics, I don't necessarily need to know exactly how to give a feeding evaluation, or perform a modified barium swallow, or diagnose a patient with severe Broca's aphasia with profound verbal apraxia and moderate Flaccid Dysarthria, (etc.) , I just need Mom to talk me through the practical steps of breathing deeply and making a glass of Rooibos Chai tea, and reassuring me that I CAN do this. Thanks, Mom, for being my cheerleader and encourager throughout my life! Love you bunches!

25 Random Things About Me

A few of my friends have written 25 random things about themselves and posted the list on facebook. They asked me to write some things, too, and I figured I would share mine with you!

1. I want to be a ballerina. …but really.
2. I kill houseplants. I want so desperately to nourish them and help them reach their full potential… but they just die.
3. I want to be able to play the piano. I was given a beautiful piano last Christmas and have attempted to make music with it, but I eagerly await the day when the tune produced by my fingers is actually tolerable for the human ear.
4. I’m a grandma at heart. I love to sew, quilt, crochet, knit, cross-stitch, scrapbook, and play scrabble.
5. I’m obsessed with Settlers of Catan. It is the most ingenious game ever created- it’s brilliant!
6. I love racquetball and would play it everyday if time permitted.
   
7. Excel spreadsheets give me a thrill! I smile out of delight any time I get to open one! (Yes… I am a nerd)
8. A constant longing in my heart is to dance! I’ve started swing dancing this year and have enjoyed it a great deal, but my heart always leaps for joy anytime a waltz starts to play!
9. Another constant longing in my heart is for pizza! I could eat it every day! Mmm!
10. I pole vaulted in high school. I learned via the internet…I wasn’t too good- but I loved every minute of it!
11. I prefer listening to radio theaters or books on CDs over listening to music. This makes me feel more productive.
12. Baking is therapeutic to me.
13. I love simplicity.
14. Languages fascinate me, and I fully intend to be bilingual by age 25.
15. One of my favorite things that I did in undergrad was play Assassins! It was ever-so-much fun! But… I died.
16. I loved traveling in Europe, and I look forward to returning to that enchanting continent soon.
17. I am Anne of Green Gables.
18. My 10^th birthday party is one of my fondest memories! My friends and I dressed up in fancy dresses and wore antique hats as we drank tea (or chocolate milk) out of my mom’s china. The average age of my invited guests was about 60 years.
19. I like grammar. (But I never try to be grammatically correct when I journal or blog)
20. I don’t prefer to share information about myself unless someone asks a specific question. I enjoy answering questions.
21. I love water! I think it is so very delicious!
22. Iced tea came out my nose when I was in elementary school- I haven’t cared for it since.
23. I eat soup every day- I like it a lot!
    
24. Most chick-flicks annoy me, but I do have exceptions.
25. I love the outdoors! I love climbing trees, taking walks, hiking, biking, camping, canoing, and kayaking.

A Catch-Breath

This semester has already been far more pleasant than the last (thank You, God), but that doesn't mean that it's been easy. I have a roommate, a place to live, and a great job! But I also have new classes, hundreds of pages to read, papers to write, projects to complete, tests to study for, and therapy sessions to prepare for (I know... I shouldn't end a phrase in a preposition- oh well). I'm truly exhausted, and yet so thankful to not have the hiccups this semester!

In the midst of my exhaustion, I had a great weekend with my mom, sister, grandma, aunts (and uncle), cousins, and friends! We played "Paper" all weekend, which means that we went to specialty paper stores and made artsy-crafty things while drinking coffee, laughing excessively, and enjoying the company of the people we love so dearly. This weekend was a "catch-breath", and I'm so thankful for it! Perhaps I can endure the rest of graduate school with "catch-breaths" like this one!



In case you're interested- A catch-breath is a tiny breath in the middle of a phrase or sentence which provides you with enough air to complete the thought without taking a full breath of air. This is a compensatory strategy speech-language pathologists teach to aid their clients who are unable to use their air more efficiently when they speak (often because of neurological or physical damage).

Independence

We grow up aspiring to be independent. As toddlers we learn to walk by ourselves and feed ourselves. In a couple of years, we become able to retrieve our own glass from the tall cabinet and pour our own milk. Years later we will count down the days until we attain our driver's license which will allow us to travel anywhere all by ourselves. Then we graduate and move on to college, out from under our parents' roof. And once you've graduated from college- well... then you are really an adult- living by yourself, paying your own bills, driving your own car, and entering the work force- the "real world".

Many life lessons were learned this past semester. The biggest lesson was that independence is not a reflection of the lifestyle that God desires for His people. God created the Church because He knows we need the Church- we need relationship to survive this messy world in which we live. While reading Young's novel The Shack a few quotes regarding independence stuck out to me. "The world is broken because in Eden we abandoned a relationship with God to assert our own independence." That makes me wonder how much better the world would be if we decided to live in a community of relationship (with people and with our Creator) rather than in isolation. Later in the book, Jesus explains that "Being his follower is not trying to 'be like Jesus', it means for your independence to be killed."

Through the many trials I have faced while living "on my own", God has really forced me to become dependent on Him and on the Church. There is such beauty in living in relationship with God and with His followers. I am so very, very blessed to have a wonderful community of Christ followers to be dependent upon! They offer love and life in a world that desperately needs it, and they also offer a roof for me to live under for as long as I need it. Dependence is humbling, and thus difficult, but perhaps living in humility will lead to transformation.